Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I got busy with some stuff, and felt bad on other days where I just didn't want to get up from our new comfy couch.

I got an interesting new symptom. I got an area on top of my head, slightly to the ride side, that is very sensitive.   It's about a square inch in size and does not differ in color or texture. Just sensitive when I touch it.
I also noticed that my front lower teeth, specifically 3 of them, are also sensitive. Sometimes they feel tingly and numb.

I have caught a small cold. My throat hurts a little, and I a cough a lot. There is no temperature, I check it often.
Hopefully with some old school honey-tea-lemon therapy this will go away.

Status update regarding my marijuana licence:
I've sent all the documents needed to the compassionate care  center of Toronto. They said everything will take about 2 weeks to process. And it still be illegal officially. The only way to make it all kosher, is to go through a minimum of 12 week waiting period through the gov. I asked if there is a way to speed up the process, and the lady at the gov agency told me that only if the doctors says that I am terminal.

The compassionate center should hook me up with some quality medicinal grade stuff regardless if I got the licence or not. :-)

Below is a pic of all the medicine that I used to take to combat the symptoms. None of the drugs effectively combat the symptoms. You also see a joint, half of it is just a paper filter.. there's not much marijuana in there.. maybe 1/5 of a gram. And it does an amazing job of taking care of the symptoms.

That being said. I am extremely upset at my government for making such a hassle to get a licence. I mean if a doctor says it helps, not just the patient. What business does a politician have in preventing it from being accessible in a controlled manner, just like any other prescription drug.

Ok, I am done venting!

I got a ct scan coming up on the 30th, with doc appointment soon after, and finally chemo #4 on April 3.
Hopefully, the doc will say that everything is going as it should and that 6 chemo sessions is all that needed. I am really crossing my fingers for that. I am really not looking forward for my next chemo. But I've made it this far, not going to quit now!

I will let you guys know how my ct scan goes asap!

I finally feel a little better today, enough to write a new post. I have never been so exhausted like I was the last few days. Not even, after 10 hours digging holes in the ground with a shovel. I had a nice 10 hour sleep today, without any marijuana. Spent most of the morning outside today, its a very sunny day outside.

I am ultra sensitive to smells. Our toilet freshener acts about the same as a bug-spray on a bug. Just lethal. I get very nauseous really fast. Next time I'll need to induce vomit, I will just smell that spray. The funny part is, that I picked it when we were shopping, before the chemo.

I am also having some sour-metallic taste in my mouth. I've read that chemo can affect the taste since taste-buds also regenerate quickly, thus attacked by the chemo. I have noticed a slight change in taste when eating, stuff tastes like water a little bit.

No mouth sores so far! I been brushing like crazy. I am really glad the sores didn't come back. I've read another's patient blog and he said he would get the sores after each chemo. So I guess I'm lucky in that respect so far, fingers crossed.

2 days after chemo #3

Marijuana seems to do its magic as many other patients say it does. It almost eliminates any sensation of nausea for about 1.5 -2 hours. It also allowed me to sleep last night like a baby. The nausea seems to be a lot stronger than previous round of chemo. I did vomit quite a bit yesterday, just as the "high" faded away. I did feel a lot better are vomiting, but the nausea feeling came back just a couple hours later. A little bit of marijuana fixed it.

I did call my doc for a new pill for to control the nausea. I cant be stoned all day long. It's defiantly better than the alternative for now, but I would like to also have a pill that will allow me be functional for the day.

The weakness increased considerably, I just hope that it's only for the first few days and will fade away eventually.

Will I be trying to get a prescription for marijuana? Absolutely. I know that it works, and I don't know if the pill the doc will give me will work. Besides, the pill will not allow me to sleep like marijuana does. At least until I'm done with the steroids.

I have been thirsty a lot, and been drinking water non stop. Also, I increased my oral hygiene, the last thing I want is the mouth sores to come back.

I will let you know how the new pills are working as soon as I try them. Once I get a little more energy, I'll make my trip to the doc and get the marijuana prescription.

Getting Ready for Chemo #3

It's 9am, and I've been awake for an hour and a half already. In just about 2 hours I will be getting my third chemo. I am no longer neutral towards chemo, as I've learned to hate the side affects. But instead of being depressed about it, I've been preparing for it.





























I really hope it makes the nausea better, and gives me the ability to sleep for the next 10 or so days. If it works, I will be coming to my family doc today and asking for prescription. I really do think it will help. I am a firm believer in all things natural. Maybe it's a placebo affect, or not. I hope it helps.

I will write more often during the days after chemo.

Possible Digestive Issues

Yesterday I had a scare. I went to the washroom, and saw a lot of blood in my stool. This has never happened to me before in my life. I immediately called the oncologist, and had an appointment scheduled the next morning 9am (today). Meanwhile, I started searching online for answers. From my research this could a side affect from the Cyclophosphamide drug in the RCHOP regimen. That drug lowers the platelets (see through liquid in which red and white blood swim, its responsible for clotting and preventing bleeding).
I also had a day when my stool was very black, almost charcoal color. It happened once, and was fine after. I looked it up, and it seems to be a common side affect. There is no need to do anything about it right now, but something to watch.

Today in the morning I did a blood test, my platelets levels are fine for a chemo patient. My doc didn't have a good idea why it happened, but she gave me some food softeners (not a laxative)  to help with the digestion.
I was told that if it happens again, I would be directed to a gastrointestinal (GI) doc, who will put a camera up my butt, and see whats going on. I really really really hope it doesn't happen again.

I still get tired on daily basis, and my beard started to fall out. I carefully examined 1 beard hair, and it seems that the root is almost 2x thinner than the body. This falls in line with the side affects of chemo, hair thinning.

My chemo #3 is coming up on the 13th of March. I asked my doc again about trying marijuana, she was hesitant, I felt as if she had a personal vendetta against using pot for genuine reasons. The pills don't seem to work very well, of course there are other pills I can try, but there are so many and it seems the only way to find the one that works is through trial and error. Like I said before, I am against pills, if there are natural alternatives that work..who isn't? So meanwhile, I have secured some quality marijuana, and I will test it after my chemo. If it does, I will insist on getting a prescription.

I can also say that I no longer have a neutral attitude towards chemo I had the first 2 rounds. I am now not looking forward to it at all. The overall symptoms and side affects seem to be intensifying with each round. But by no means I am scared or anything. I still maintain that I have felt worse after some hardcore partying.

Also, being bald is awesome. All my friends say it looks pretty good, and I really like the fact that I don't have to brush it, and my head is dry after shower. I might actually keep the baldness after chemo.

Chemo Brain

Chemo Brain - term used to describe confusion, inability to concentrate, disorientation. An occasional side affect from chemo drug Cyclophosphamide.

I seem to be experiencing that more often now. It usually last for under a minute, just a moment when you can't quickly form an answer to a simple question.

Two days ago I had a Chemo Brain Fart, if you will, that lasted about 20 min. I was driving to get an oil change  for the car, in an area that was known to me. I decided to cut through a plaza to avoid some traffic on an intersection, and turn right. I did exactly that, except when I drove 5 min in the correct direction I instantly felt like I was going the wrong way turned around and went the opposite direction for a few blocks, when again I felt like I was going the wrong way, turned back and went a different way at that intersection. In the end, I did this 4 times, going every way on that intersection, going a few blocks and then turning around. Finally I realized that my initial cut through the plaza was correct and I got to the oil change place.
I felt like I was completely disoriented and didn't know the right way was. Although, my driving ability was not compromised, it felt scary. I didn't even change my oil at that place because they wanted to charge me way too much. Bummer.

The day after, I had a small incident when I could not formulate an answer. That lasted only seconds, but I still noticed it.

This will certainly be up high on the list of things I will talk to my doctor when I see him.
The muscle pain seems to be more tolerable now. Could be the potassium rich food I been eating. I still get tired/exhausted  randomly throughout the day to the point where I need to drop everything I'm doing and sit down. Also, as of yesterday evening, my spleen started to annoy me a little. I would rate the pain about 4 out of 10. More of a discomfort really. But it again prevents me from sleeping on my side.

I push myself to be active by visiting friends, family and going out as much as I can. Tanya keeps me on my toes as well.

Tired

I find myself absolutely exhausted. I wake up tired. My muscles have a constant dull pressure/pain, especially in my biceps, triceps, and shoulders. I also feel it in my legs sometimes, but not as bad. But it seems to progress (didn't feel it in the legs before). The feeling is the same as the day after a good 3 hours workout, but its constant, 24 hrs a day.
It doesn't matter what I do, I always seem completely drained out of energy. Even when I wake up, i'm tired already.

On the good note though, the nausea has considerably decreased - which is pure awesomeness. I can now have the pleasure of eating. Ah, the things we take for granted.

I keep pushing myself though, always doing something active. Going to theater shows, teaching Tanya how to drive - shes doing great, and visiting friends.
My oncologist called me today, to check up, said I should try to stay active, so my muscles and bones don't dry out. So I guess I'm doing the right thing.
I googled and found many people saying that lots of potassium helps with the muscle pain. So I will eat lots of potassium rich food and will let you know how it goes.

Also I received the good news from Ontario Works - they approved my application, so I should receive some moneys soon. And I've done all the paperwork for Ontario Disability Support Program so far, we'll see how it goes, should be around 4 months before it gets approved.

First day of no steroids!

Finally I can wake up without taking the damn steroids. I been waiting for day for a while now. I actually felt a lot better yesterday already, nausea & sleeping wise.

We've been having some strong winds here recently, and I think I might be catching a cold. Which is really not good. So I started drinking 1-2 Tylenol extra strength a day, whenever I feel a headache or a sore throat. Also ate 3 garlic heads yesterday before I went to sleep, that should help.
I even started wearing Tanya's scarf when I go out because I cant find mine. Getting sick right now, even with a small cold could have really bad consequences for me due to my lowered white blood cell count. I measure my temperature 10 times a day right now, if it hits 38C, I have to go to emergency room.

I seem to be experiencing extreme tiredness in my arms (biceps and triceps) and shoulders. I'm monitoring this symptom very closely, because chemo can cause permanent numbness in some parts of the body. I hope this isn't it. If anything, I already know my oncologist's phone number by heart.

Overall, I'm quiet happy that I been able to get somewhat normal sleep lately.. going to sleep around 2am, and waking up at 8am, and sleeping pretty much uninterrupted.

I still feel completely exhausted by 9-10pm. But this gives me time to explore new things to do at home. Tanya started reading me a very famous Russian book, something I would have never do on my own. Still working on figuring out my electronics project that I want to do. But I got plenty of time for that!

Day 1 after chemo #2

Yesterday I been feeling nauseous all day. Finally I let it rip in the evening. I think I puked out everything that I've eaten that day. I felt so much better after thought.. finally some relief.

I even felt asleep for an hour two. Spent the rest of the night rolling around the bed, till finally 6:30 am I woke up and started browsing the net. Trying to find out if I should fight the nauseous feeling or just surrender to it. The body probably knows better than my conscious self what it needs to do.

In the meanwhile, I will be drinking lots and lots of water and tea to prevent dehydration. If I feel alright today, I'll try to visit my doc and get that prescription for medicinal marijuana. I'm hoping it will kill the nausea and give me back the ability to sleep.

Also, when I was receiving my chemo, the nurse said that my white blood cell count was low. That means the chemo is doing it's job and I should really be careful and avoid public places, as I can get infected a lot easier now.

Chemo #2

Had my second chemo today. The nice part is that Canadian Cancer Society got me a ride there and back for free. The crappy part is that I've already taken the sleeping and nausea pills, and 1 hour since I still can't fall asleep and feel nauseous.

Symptoms are the same as during chemo number. Feeling very very tired. Feel like you just went for a 2 hours walk, came home and took a bath and want to sleep --- but can't. I think its from the Prednisone (steroid).. if that's the case, then my next 5 days will be very similar like last time. With the exception of sleeping pills not working.
Feels like there is a war brewing in my chest. I feel the nausea, then something tries to minimize the feeling, then it comes back. It's like the pill is struggling to work.

I think I will ask my doc for a medicinal marijuana prescription. I've asked the nurse weather a lot of patients use it.. she said yes. I hear that it helps with the nausea, sleeping and eating. I rather take some grass then 10 different pills.

Today's chemo lasted about 4.5 hours.. longer than the 2-3 I was promised.

It's 1:00am now, way past my usual bed time of 11pm. Sitting here, and exploring new ideas for a new hobby of mine.. soldering/electronics. I think I want to build something flying and remote controlled.

Im Bald!

Well that day has finally arrived. My hair was falling out fairly quick, but what made shave it off is the sensitivity of the scalp. I could not wash the hair, because it hurt a lot. Could not even wear a hat or even lay on a pillow. 

So it had to go.

I did have some fun with it and of course made some pics of it for you all.

The beard is also sensitive and slowly falling out. But I wont shave it till I have too. It's been growing very slow and it took me years to grow that!

Tomorrow is my check up appointment with my oncologist. My biggest complaint at this point are my mouse sores... eating becoming very hard. Whenever I rinse its extremely painful.. I will ask for a prescription rinse  that many recommend. 

Energy levels are up!

Hair falling out!

About an hour ago I was sitting, and just feeling my hair, when I noticed it started to fall out. There are no words to describe it, so I made a little video, so you can see exactly how it is.

I will have to start doing my haircuts sooner than I thought. 

I am not worried about this at all, as I never had great hair. In fact, I will be looking forward for my new hair. There is a chance that it will be slightly different color and texture.. I think it can only get better!

p.s.

Happy Valentine's Day!

the sound is very quiet .. so make turn up your speakers a little.

Mouth Sores!!

The mouth sores are starting to be a real problem for me. I got a really really bad one on the lower jaw between the teeth and the lip. This makes eating an apple or anything where you have to bite off a piece a real nightmare. Even laughing right now is really painful. It doesn't really hurt, more annoying, when I don't open my mouth or smile. But when I do.. on a scale 1-10.. I would say its a 12.

Today my hair on my head started to hurt when I touch it or wear a hat. It's not very painful, about 4 out of 10. This would be time when my hair should start falling out.. about 2-3 weeks after first chemo.

Lynda, my friend's (Justin) mom, mentioned about the scalp hurting before the hair falls out... I guess this is it. I will start looking for funny and cool haircuts I can try before I shave it all off.

I've also been in contact with CancerCare - a really great organization that offers free rides to the hospital for chemo and other appointments. They also connect cancer patients and their families together, so that newly diagnosed can learn tips and ticks that will make life easier.

Also I contacted WellSpring - also amazing organization that helps you file all the necessary paperwork to get financial assistance from the government. They are in regular contact with the government staff.. and are able to make your application process a lot faster.

I am very happy that I live in Canada, and would not trade out healthcare for any other in the world. I never expected so much support from different organizations and government.

Update report

Good stuff:
I noticed that I have stopped itching.. yay!
My sleep has been getting a lot better.
My apatite is a lot better, in fact it seems that I cant stop eating.

Bad stuff:

My spleen has been hurting a lot more lately. Sometimes its continuous pain and sometimes its pulsating. I find that early in the morning the pain is either not there or very small. In the evening it seems to intensify. My doc said to take extra strength Tylenol, it seems to sorta work.. reduces the pain but doesn't eliminate it.

Also when I breath, the pain seem to go from spleen to my left shoulder.

There is a pinpoint on my right side (liver side) where I get even stronger pain than the spleen.



I went to see the doc today, he said my spleen seems to be smaller (good thing) but the fact that I have pain its a bad thing. We did a CT scan, and should have the results soon. He promised to call me with the results, if he wont, I have an appointment on the 17th.. I'll know more then for sure.

Overall, I think my condition is improving..until the next chemo probably. I rather have pain, which I can still tolerate, than feeling nauseous, itchy and sleepless.

At this point I have stopped taking the sleeping pills. Just eating Tylenol like M&M's.

Back from Niagara Falls

The trip was amazing! The temperature was +10c ... whoever doubts global warming.. this is proof.

First we hit the wineries for some wine tasting ( I only had 1 small sip), everyone else had a sip and then some.

We got a nice bottle of wine and went to the Great Canadian Cheese Factory. Also bought some salami and buns on the way. We ended up having a picnic near a farm.. there was a pony not to far from us. 

I didn't even feel nauseous or any pains at all. Then, we finally got into our hotel room, on 20th floor facing the falls.. really really nice. We went to The Keg .. a pricey place known for its steaks. Ordered a bunch of appetizers for the 80$ worth of credit we had. And I had a $41.00 + tax (13%)  steak... T-Bone.. which was nice and soft, but I certainly didn't taste $41.00 worth of awesomeness. It was comparable to $15 steak at your regular bar. 

By 9pm I started having some spleen pains, especially when walking or doing anything active. I noticed the bump (enlarged spleen) came back. It was it manageable pain, but still a lot of discomfort. When I was taking Prednisone (steroid pills), I remember noticing that the spleen became a lot softer and smaller in size. And I defiantly recall being relieved from the pain. 

I will ask my doc on the 17th (my bday) about this. But as off right now, the pain is pretty much continuous at about 6-7 out of 10. Sometimes it spikes and reaches 10. I also started having sore throat and sensitive teeth. No fever, I measure it 10 times a day.

Then we took off to Dave and Buster's, we had $80 worth of credit to spend there.. that was pretty fun. By 9 or 10pm I felt enough pain that I had to go to our room for the rest of the night. I was very very tired also.

Next day, since morning, the pain stayed there at the same level. Sometimes I would not feel much, but still discomfort.  I also find myself sometimes being disoriented a little, my gf confirms this also. Happened few times last couple of days. Had a little bit of issue answering a question. I also lost some more weight, about 2kg. Now I weigh at 80.00 kg, which is a new low for me. Still room to go.

Overall, I guess the symptoms are a bit worse. But it still beats being nauseous in my opinion.

On the way, we stopped at our friend's Mama's Pizza. He made us one delicious pizza which I still can taste in my mouth. Took us a while to get home cause we got stuck in traffic.

But Tema (cat) was very glad to see us. And it was well worth the drive.

p.s. if anyone has any advice on the mouth sores, please don't hesitate to comment.